My husband and I decided to do something special for our tenth wedding anniversary this summer. First, we were going to leave our kids at Grandmas for the week. Then we would climb into bed, turn down the lights, find the perfect music and just….sleep. Oh, wait, did I mention this would be done on a plane? I had better explain.
We decided to fly across the country for a kid-free trip and as the ultimate indulgence, we cashed in our air miles to buy business class tickets. We have never flown anything but economy, so this was a big deal. However, please do not tell us how much this normally costs. Since air miles are not real money, it was easy to upgrade when no real numbers are involved. I’m serious, please do not send me the dollar amount. Some things are best left unknown.
As the day drew closer, we began to get excited about the flight. Would there be fancy food? Champagne? Lots of people in monocles and top hats? We really had no idea. We had never seen what was on the other side of the curtain. We heard rumors of full sized snacks but were trying not to get our hopes up.
“It is probably not that much better,” we told each other. “We probably won’t even notice the difference.” Continue reading →
I finally understand people who mow their lawn at 8 am. I used to think they were assholes. Why were they doing this so early? Why couldn’t they wait until 9 at least? Do they not realize that other people are trying to sleep? And WHY do they keep stopping and starting the mower like 20 times? If they kept the noise going at least it might act like white noise and others could still sleep. So annoying!
Fast-forward ten years and I discovered the answers to all these questions, while I was mowing my lawn at 8 am. First, they’re not assholes, they just have kids. Continue reading →
I don’t know about you, but I love those “best of” Twitter feeds. You know, the ones where the author puts a bunch of great Tweets on marriage, parenting or a variety of other topics together all in one place. Awesome for those of us who like to laugh but don’t have time to scroll through Twitter.
But, my friends, what the heck do you have to do to get your tweets on those lists? I’ve tried absolutely nothing. So, wait, you mean I should tweet more than sporadically, have a lot of followers and put in some work on marketing? Yeah, I’m not doing that. It’ll eat into my showering time. So, instead I think I will just make a best of 2018 list for my own awesome feed! Brilliant. Here we go.
Why breastffeding boobs are like a grandma: Boobs: I made you some milk Me: That's okay, they're sleeping Boobs: Oh no! Must be hungry. I'll make more. Me: No stop! They're not eating it Boobs: Why? They don't like it? I'll make something else.#babies#breastfeeding
Well, it’s that time again! Time to celebrate the holidays with family and friends. It is apparently also time to write Christmas letters and stick them into cards to update said friends and family on your life for the last year. I love getting these, but I almost never get myself together enough to write one for our family. So instead, let me send this digital version to all my friends and family online. Here goes:
The time has come for the tiny human to join acceptable society in using the potty. It became apparent that the tiny human was not going to potty train himself, so the Captain and First Mate will have to bravely go where they haven’t gone before. (To the store to buy a potty.) The Captain and First Mate begin this stage by doing some reading. Though the reading makes them feel guilty for waiting until Tiny Human was so old to begin this journey, it also allows them to begin to imagine a future without diapers. Then they look at their other, tinier humans and quickly give up this dream. Finally, along comes the dreaded day.
Day 1: It begins
7:00am: Though the Captain and First Mate have been preparing the tiny human for this change for many weeks, he has been taken by surprise. Rather than comply with the inevitable, he is instead staging a mutiny! This will not stand. Continue reading →
Naming a new baby is hard. Not only are there family traditions and individual preferences to consider but there is also the added stress associated with not giving our children a name that will haunt them forever. No pressure.
So how can parents choose the perfect name for their children? Here are some fun ways to test whether your name will lead your child to a life of success or doom them to total failure.
*Disclaimer: This article is intended as humour and should not be taken too seriously.*
If you are looking to chat with a lot of random strangers, go some place with twin babies. When they notice my giant double stroller, they can’t help themselves. Since most people don’t have experience with twins, they have lots of questions. Last week I answered some of the logistical questions I get about my infant twins. You can read more about that here.
This week I am answering some of the deeper questions. Keep in mind that a) my twins are very new, so I am not an expert at all and b) this is only my opinion and should not be taken to represent all twin parents. Continue reading →
As many of you know, I recently gave birth to fraternal twin girls in February. Also, like many of you, before I had the twins I had no idea about what life is like with twins. I am no expert (mine are still pretty new) but I am answering twin questions from the Newbie Mom Facebook page today on the blog. This is part 1 of 2, because some things are just better in pairs. Continue reading →
As my son’s 2nd birthday approached, my husband and I began to talk about adding another baby to our crew. The dog was not enthusiastic, but we had always wanted two kids, so we decided to go ahead with it anyway.
This time, we decided to attempt to time the pregnancy so that the beginning would fall when I was off work. This proved to be wise, as my Hyperemesis Gravidarum returned, much stronger than the last pregnancy. I spent most of the summer in and out of the hospital, depending on IV fluids to keep me going.
But I’d better back up a little bit. Before the hospital, before the first ultrasound even, we we were feeling pretty proud of ourselves. We were going to have our two kids, 2 1/2 years apart and it was going to be great. Okay, I would be sick again, but I had lived through HG before, and I could do it one final time. It was all going to be fine. Then we were thrown the curve ball. Continue reading →
As many of you know, I have had very severe hyperemesis gravidarum with my current pregnancy. In case you haven’t heard of it, hyperemesis or HG, is severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy that leads to significant weight loss, dehydration and general misery. (If you would like to read more about it, please click here.)
Unfortunately, I am quite familiar with HG, as I had it for the entire 41 weeks of my pregnancy with my 2 year old son. So, you might say that I am a bit of an HG pro now. My HG prevents me from doing a lot of ordinary things, like cooking, going to stores and even opening my fridge, which makes my life is a bit more complicated. Since my symptoms show no signs of going away any time soon, I found that I had to figure out a way to deal with these every day hurdles. (Without hurling in the process.) This has lead to some rather strange new habits. Continue reading →