The Walking Dead is one of my favourite shows. Actually, my entire family are avid fans. We were so excited to see the season premiere this past Sunday. (And then horribly traumatized, but that’s another post.) Anyway, as we watched, I began to realize that the Walking Dead is exactly like parenting. Well, maybe a little more bloody, but otherwise pretty much the same.
Here are 7 Ways that Parenting is just like the Walking Dead. (No, there are no baseball bats involved. Sorry…too soon.)
There are zombies everywhere
At the park, in the grocery store, at Starbucks – there are zombies everywhere. Oh no, wait. Those are just exhausted parents. Sorry. It’s an easy mistake to make though. Just like the stumbling, brain-dead walkers we parents stumble around in a fog some days. We wander aimlessly, in search of our next meal. Or coffee. Or wine? Actually we forgot what we were searching for long ago and are just wandering to avoid watching Caillou with our kids.
You spend most of your time trying to fortify your defences
In the Walking Dead, the people of Alexandria spend a lot of time fortifying their walls, attempting to keep the hoards of zombies away from their supplies. This is just like parenting – except instead of building walls, we are baby gating the hell out of our house, and instead of hoards of zombies we have one over-active toddler. In both situations however, one breach of the defences can mean a tonne of clean up. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
You sleep in shifts
Remember when you both used to sleep all night? At the same time? Neither do Rick and Michone. Honestly I don’t know how anyone sleeps at all on the Walking Dead, but any time they do attempt some shut-eye they do so in shifts. This is just like parenting. Someone is always “on night watch” in case the kid needs something. Sure, we sometimes doze off, but I’m sure that happens a lot on the Walking Dead too. Why else would there be so many tents full of zombies in the woods?
Loud noise is to be avoided at all cost
Just like zombies, small children are irresistibly drawn to noise. Not just loud noises either. Even the sound of a food wrapper can draw swarms of tiny, drool-covered beings staggering in your direction. (Children, not zombies.) This sensitivity is particularly pronounced during nap time or bedtime. A kid who totally ignores your loud calls somehow hears you breathe a little too loudly at 10 pm. What happens next? Well, just like the Walking Dead, it won’t be pretty.
You spend all day trying to avoid being bitten
So far, most of the main characters in the Walking Dead have done a good job avoiding the dreaded bite. Parents are not so lucky. First there is the breastfeeding and then the teething and before you know it you are covered in tiny bite marks. It just becomes part of your day. Those teeth may look adorable and tiny, but they can really do some damage. Especially because, like the zombies, your little ones are still learning about proper biting etiquette.
Luckily the consequences of being bitten are much fewer for parents than for the remaining people of the Walking Dead. If they get bitten, they will probably have to locate various parts of their body whereas I just slap a Band-aid on it.
We are all infected
As we learned early on in the Walking Dead, all the characters are infected with the virus. This is just like parenting. Well, almost. The people on the Walking Dead are going to turn into mindless, starving zombies. We parents are already mindless, starving zombies, so that doesn’t scare us. Instead, we are afraid of being infected with the worst thing of all – germs from daycare or school. They are infected and they want to infect you. Sure, you can avoid them for a while, but sooner or later you will join the infected. Might as well just give in.
A simple supply run can spell disaster
Just like the people on the Walking Dead, new parents are surviving on dwindling supplies. For the living in the Walking Dead this means having to fend off hoards of zombies and battle other living people for control of a finite amount of resources. My weekend trip to the grocery store is pretty much the same.
Alright, the world hasn’t ended and our grocery stores are fully stocked, but that doesn’t mean we don’t face obstacles on our way to stock up our cupboards. On any given errand we may be taken down by the dreaded tantrum. On the Walking Dead, they can battle a hoard of walkers only to run out of ammunition and retreat. The same thing happens to me when I run out of snacks for my kid. On the Walking Dead, they often run into hostile groups of other survivors and are forced into a fight. This happens to us also. For example, when that other parent takes the last cart that looks like a race car at the grocery store. That guy better watch his back. Well, his ankles actually, because that is what my toddler will grab as he walks around the grocery store since he won’t sit in the regular cart. You have been warned….
So yeah, it’s basically the same thing.
If you liked this one, you may also enjoy the others in this series