I am living in a dictatorship. Well, sort of. I actually live in a democratic country. It’s just my house that is a dictatorship. The great and merciful leader? Our baby.
Sure, he looks cute, but don’t be fooled. He rules our house with an iron fist. He has graciously permitted me to have 30 minutes of media time, so I have decided to use it to tell the outside world what is really going on in our house.
Here are 5 reasons my baby might be a tiny dictator:
Babies are cute. I think we can all agree on that. They have sweet, gummy smiles and sweet, chubby cheeks. Yes, babies are super cute, but this doesn’t mean that they are easy to live with. On the contrary – babies are like the worst roommates ever.
Being a new parent is hard. HARD. But everyone you meet will want to tell you how great it is and why you should appreciate it. They are blinded by your baby’s cuteness and oblivious to their challenges. But from one new parent to anther – this is way harder than anyone can tell you. You deserve a medal.
Here are four reasons I think new parents deserve a medal:
First-time parents worry about everything. Okay, well maybe not everything, but definitely more than our more seasoned mom friends. After all, there is a lot of worry about. You are suddenly fully responsible for a helpless human being, who can’t tell you what they need. No pressure.
Though I consider myself to be fairly laid back, I have fallen into the trap of worrying over some pretty small things.
Here are some things first-time parents worry about: Continue reading
I. Thou shalt bring all the baby’s toys in hopes of distracting them, but all the baby shall want to do is play with napkins.
II. Thou shalt attempt to pack a sense of humour and some patience. Thou will not be able to fit those things in thine suitcases because of all the toys.
Today my baby and I got invited to go swimming. It is quite a hot day here, so I readily accepted. I got my baby to take a later nap to make the invitation time work. We were packed, sunscreened and ready to go. We got into the car and stopped by a bakery to buy some scones. Then it happened. It began with the eye rubbing. Just a little at first, but it soon developed into a few huge yawns.
No, I thought, we just had a nap. But there he was, yawning away. My heart sunk, as I realized that I would have to give up our afternoon plans. I turned the car around and headed back to the house. The baby cried all the way home until I put him to bed. He was asleep in minutes.
And just like that: Bam! I got nap sabotaged.
I’m sure this has happened to you, or someone you know. Maybe you didn’t know it existed. Either way, I have prepared an FAQ about the phenomenon known as the nap sabotage. You’re welcome. Continue reading
Before I had a baby, I thought that once you got the hang of breastfeeding, it was all the same from there. Not so, my friends!
Turns out that feeding a newborn is vastly different from breastfeeding an older baby. I decided to compare the highs and lows of breastfeeding a baby at different ages. Let me show you what I mean.
Positives: Ugh, are there any? Keeping baby alive is one. Cuddling is sometimes another. Also, you can watch TV while feeding without distracting the baby. Continue reading
One thing about working with teenagers is that they have an amazing ability to make you feel old. Like ancient. I once spent 20 minutes trying to explain dial up internet to a group of 15 year olds, who looked at me like I was absolutely the oldest person around. I was 28.
The rapid advances in technology mean that life can change dramatically in the span of a decade. This made me think about how different my son’s life will be than mine.
So, fellow 90’s kids, I made a list. (No, not on paper. I’m not that old.)
Here are 10 things I grew up with that my son will probably not recognize:
So, I work out now.
Everyone who has ever met me if probably laughing at that last sentence, but I really do.
I don’t like it. I am uncoordinated by nature, tripping over my feet while walking in a straight line kind of uncoordinated. I have tried lots of workout classes, but I can’t seem to get the hang of Zumba or other aerobic or dance classes. I know they are supposed to be fun, but here’s how it usually goes down for me:
- Watch in bewilderment as the instructor demonstrates the move.
- Try move. Get it backwards.
- Try again and run into the person next to me.
- Try once again and get the first half but fall down on the second half.
- Finally get the move!! Oh crap, everyone else is done.
- The instructor is demonstrating the next move. See step 1.
There is a lot written about the things you can’t do as a parent. (Mostly because those adorable children cramp our style. Yep, they are real buzzkills.) However, no one ever talks about the stuff that you can only do because you have kids.
Let me tell you about some unexpected perks of being a parent. No, not unconditional love and all that crap. You probably know about that anyway.
Here are some things I can do now that I have a kid: