I’m a talker. Have I mentioned this? Probably. Anyway, I have always talked to myself out loud when I’m alone. Without the baby, this is a bit weird so I try to pretend I’m talking on some headset if I’m caught.
Now, since I don’t go anywhere without the baby, I can chat away to my heart’s content to my captive audience without looking weird(er than normal). I chat to him all the time! Not only is MB riveted with my fascinating anecdotes but I’m working on his language skills.
Here are just a few of the strange things I find myself talking to my son about:
The merits of Greek yoghurt vs. regular yoghurt. I have come around to the Greek camp here, because I like the thickness of it. Baby MB was fascinated by this, as no doubt are you, fine reader.
Why I love baked goods and which ones are my favourite. This usually leads to a trip to the bakery. This is dangerous when I am home on maternity leave.
Why the dog won’t let me cut her nails. (And no, I have never cut the quick or injured her in any way.)
A step by step breakdown of me cooking dinner. (It’s like a cooking show for babies!)
A list of all my favourite 90’s bands. Hanson, Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls and Alanis Morissette, in case you are curious.
All of the advances in technology since I was a teenager and we had a family cell phone that was the size of a brick and featured an antennae we would have to put up if we were too far outside town. Also, I didn’t have the internet until I was an adult. (It existed, I just didn’t have it.) Discuss.
How I initially hated skinny jeans, but now I have made my peace with them. (Mostly because I don’t think they even sell other cuts any more. Anyone been to a store that sells non-maternity pants recently? Because I haven’t.)
Why he is the cutest baby in the whole world. (Sorry other babies)
Why I am afraid of Donald Trump taking a run at the US presidency. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this one.
A description of all the dogs my dog plays with in the neighbourhood and what I think they would be like if they were people.
All the stuff I want to do together when he gets a bit bigger. For example, his dad does not like roller coasters, but I LOVE them. I call this the wuss gene. This means I have spent 12 years going on coasters by myself or begging others to go with me. Once, in Austria, I persuaded him to go on a water slide. There was actually a baby in line in front of us, and my husband wanted to back out. The baby, on the other hand, was pumped about the slide. Sigh…So, I would like to take MB on roller coasters with me when he gets older. Assuming he doesn’t have the wuss gene from his dad, of course.
Things I hope he gets from me and things I hope he gets from his dad. From me: my willingness to try new things, problem solving skills and my love of music. From his dad: his immune system, his athleticism and his ability with technology. From both of us? A strong work ethic and sense of humour. Things he has actually inherited from us so far: my really long frog toes, his dad’s tendency to sneeze in bright light and my stubbornness.
How amazing naps are. He is not quite on board with this one, but I will keep you posted.
Strange things I thought as a kid. For example, since I was told that milk would make me grow, I assumed using my superb logic skills that water must make you shrink. (It does not, I’m pretty sure.)
What I like about each house we pass on walks. Luckily my dog spends about 3 minutes sniffing each lawn, so I have lots of time to observe.
Which of the X-Men had the worst powers. For the record, I believe it was Rogue.
Why you don’t see any baby zombies on the Walking Dead. Here is my theory: Unless they were crawling before they got eaten, they are not going to be able to chase any live humans and would need their prey to basically walk right over to them and stick their hand in their bitey, zombie jaws. Alternatively, because babies are the two bite brownie of the zombie world and are fully consumed.
That I wish I looked good in hats.
A breakdown of my hair care routine, since he seems to spend so much time pulling, eating and grabbing it.
What strange things do you talk to your babies about? I’d love to know I’m not alone!