If there is one thing Canadians know how to do, it’s to dress for the winter conditions. Oh yes, come November we’ve got our cosy winter wardrobe ready to go. While it does hide our holiday pounds, it is a pain in the butt to put it all on. Seriously, we have to add at least 5 minutes of time to our morning routine just to put on our outdoor clothing.
And if there is one thing we dread more than getting ourselves bundled in 4 layers of clothing to go outside, it’s getting our toddlers ready to go outside.
Fear not, my friends! Here is an easy guide to getting your toddlers ready for the outdoors – and there are just 85 steps!:
Step 1 – Find all their outdoor gear. It is somehow scattered all over the house, despite those cute baskets you have for just this purpose by the front door.
Step 2 – Realize you forgot the other mitten and search the house
Step 3 – Return with the mitten and discover your toddler has hidden the boots.
Step 4 -10 – Find the boots, return to the mittens being hidden. Repeat these steps for a while.
Step 11 – Put on the boots…well, try and then realize you need to put on snow pants first.
Step 12 – Take off the boots. Toddler puts these in their mouth.
Step 13 – Wrestle snow pants into the snow pants.
Step 14 – Take a break to catch your breath. Vow to work out more because you are exhausted already.
Step 15 – 20 – Try to put on one boot before your toddler can remove the other boot. Somehow, they are always quicker than you. Not bad for a kid who can’t eat yogurt without getting it on his eyelid.
Step 21 – Both boots are on…at the same time!!!
Step 22 – The dog took off the boots while you went to get the hat.
Step 23 – Get boots back on.
Step 24 – Distract both baby and dog with goldfish crackers.
Step 25 – Put on coat
Step 26 – Chase toddler around the room in order to zip up the coat.
Step 27 – Catch toddler’s skin in the zipper.
Step 28 – Everyone cries.
Step 29 – More goldfish crackers
Step 30 – Remove the mittens from the dog’s mouth and attempt to put them on the baby.
Step 31-57 – Put the mittens on, while the toddler removes them and gives them to the dog. Get them back from the dog. Repeat for way too frickin’ long.
Step 58 – How did the boots get off???!!
Step 59 – Get the boots back on.
Step 60 – Finally! Toddler is ready to go outside!
Step 61 – Crap, I’m not ready. Put on my coat and boots.
Step 62 – Can’t find my scarf, so I use a shirt that is lying around in my living room.
Step 63 – Look for mittens that match.
Step 64 – Give up. Use one glove and one mitten.
Step 65 – Search for toddler. He is suspiciously quiet somewhere.
Step 66 – Find toddler’s hat, gloves and boots, but no toddler.
Step 67 – Find toddler.
Step 68 – 80 – Attempt to put on various pieces of winter clothing, while toddler removes it.
Step 81 – Everyone cries again.
Step 82 – More goldfish crackers.
Step 83 – Open the front door and drag screaming toddler outside.
Step 84 – Close front door. Realize you forgot your purse and you are wearing two different boots.
Step 85 – Decide that you are not going back inside. Screw looking good. No one can see you around their scarves anyway.
Congratulations! You made it! Wasn’t that easy?