Potty Training: A Captain’s Log

The time has come for the tiny human to join acceptable society in using the potty. It became apparent that the tiny human was not going to potty train himself, so the Captain and First Mate will have to bravely go where they haven’t gone before. (To the store to buy a potty.) The Captain and First Mate begin this stage by doing some reading. Though the reading makes them feel guilty for waiting until Tiny Human was so old to begin this journey, it also allows them to begin to imagine a future without diapers. Then they look at their other, tinier humans and quickly give up this dream. Finally, along comes the dreaded day.

Day 1: It begins

7:00am: Though the Captain and First Mate have been preparing the tiny human for this change for many weeks, he has been taken by surprise. Rather than comply with the inevitable, he is instead staging a mutiny! This will not stand. Continue reading

Advertisements

How to Play Sports like a Toddler

My toddler LOVES sports. Actually, I think this is an understatement. He lives for sports from the moment he wakes up until the moment he falls asleep.

Are you a sports fan? Do you think you know all the rules? My toddler says you don’t. As with most things, toddlers have their own way of doing things and my toddler has made up his own (much improved) rules to several popular sports.

So, just in case you come over to visit, I would like to record the toddler-approved rules to baseball, soccer, football and hockey. (Because if you come over here, you will be playing one of them.) Continue reading

An Open Letter to Sleep Regression

An Open Letter to Sleep Regression

Dear Sleep Regression,

On behalf of parent’s everywhere, I would like to tell you a few things that you need to hear.

First, you are a terrible house guest. You show up without warning, either way before or after the books say you are coming. I mean, would it kill you to call first? Send a text? We have lives, you know. You can’t just show up in the middle of the night like that. Especially on a weekday. And you always show up at the most inconvenient times: busy times at work, holidays where you need to deal with difficult and judgy people, when one parent is away. Continue reading

How it feels when your kid does not look like you.

My kid looks nothing like me. No, he’s not adopted. You see, even though I grew him and gave him half my genetic material, he is basically a tiny version of my husband. It’s like I wasn’t even there. (Though I remember the pregnancy and labour quite vividly.)

My son looks so much like my husband that the first thing the nurse said was, “Wow, he looks like Dad.” Yes, even as a newborn, when most newborns look like tiny, pink old people, mine apparently resembled my husband. No need to call in Maury Povitch on this one, folks.  Continue reading

Guest Post from Toddler MB: My mom doesn’t understand me

My mom thinks I am taking a nap, so I decided to give this blogging thing a try. Just give me a minute to learn how to type. Okay, I’m ready!

Even though I’m only 17 months old, I consider myself a pretty clear communicator. I wave, point, cry and nod with the best of them. I am not sure what else I could do. I mean, I guess I could learn some more words, but I’m pretty content with my vocabulary at this time. (Cheese, dog, bus, no and bye are really all I need to get most things.)The problem is, no one else seems to understand me. Continue reading

More Proof that Toddlers are just like your Drunk Friends

Okay, full disclosure: It has been a while since I was drunk. I was never someone who really got drunk a lot, but it has really lost it’s appeal since my son was born. Who wants to be hung over around small children? No one.

Even if you don’t miss the after-effects, you may still miss the fun aspects of drinking. Going out at night is fun, right? Hanging out with friends is fun. (I seem to recall…) Also, drunk people are hilarious.

But newbie mom, I never go out at night anymore. How am I supposed to find drunk people to laugh at? Never fear! I’ve got a solution: hang out with a toddler!

It is common knowledge that toddlers are basically just tiny drunk people. Any internet search will confirm this fact. I am not saying anything new here – I only offer more evidence.

Here is more proof that toddlers are basically the same as your drunk friends:

Continue reading

What my Toddler is Getting you for Christmas

Well, we’re in the holiday home stretch now! With one week until Christmas, we have finished our shopping and wrapped all the presents. I know! I feel so on top of things this year.

My toddler would like to announce that he is also finished with his presents for the holidays. Spoiler: he went the “home made” route this year. He can’t exactly go to the store, after all. These gifts may be a tad unusual, but he thinks you will love them.

Here is what my toddler is getting you for Christmas:

Continue reading