Things My Dog Barks at When the Baby is Awake vs. Asleep

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After many a sleepless night, my son has finally become a pretty good sleeper. (I know, feel free to make disparaging comments about me if your baby is not sleeping well at the moment. Are you done? Okay, can I go on now? Great. Where was I?)

Oh, right Baby MB has become a pretty good sleeper, but I still try to keep things quiet for daytime naps. My dog? Not so much. As soon as the baby dozes off, the dog morphs from laidback couch dog to hyper-vigilant guard dog, determined to protect us from any potential dangers. Continue reading →

No, I don’t have your soccer ball (My life living next to a park)

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We live next door to a park. And by next door, I mean that the park literally wraps around my house on two sides, separated only by a tall chain link fence and some cheap lattice. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that we live in the park.

“Oh, how nice!,” people say when they find out, “You’re so lucky to be so close to the park.” I mostly smile and agree, but the real answer to this statement is a bit more complicated.  Continue reading →

Passive-Agressive Notes I Would Leave if I Had the Ladyballs

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To the person who discarded their chicken wings on the street:

My dog would like to thank you for dropping all of the delicious bones. It was so nice of you to share instead of throwing them away at any of the 10 garbage cans we passed. You must be a really kind and generous person.
Continue reading →

3 Things I didn’t believe were real before I had my baby

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Mommy Brain:

Mommy Brain is real. I have experienced it and… wait, what was I saying?

Oh yes, I for sure thought this was just code for being tired. Wrong! If I had to define “mommy brain” now, I would say it is a strange combination of hormones, sleep deprivation and adapting to a complete life change. Continue reading →

10 Commandments of Taking a Dog and Baby on a Walk

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I. Thou shalt stop at every lawn for the dog to sniff. If the dog happens to skip a lawn, they shall pull you violently backward so as not to miss the delightful smells of this lawn.

II. The dog shall hate when you move steadily, but the baby shall hate when you stop. Thou art screwed either way. Continue reading →

Time to Go Shopping! In a Non-Maternity Store!!

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A couple of weeks ago I took my son swimming for the first time. I got everything he needed – a swim diaper, swim suit and wet bag – before coming to a frightening realization. I did not have a swim suit that fit.

Great. So not only do I have to shave my legs, but I have to venture out in public wearing a Frankenstein suit cobbled together from a maternity top and old suit bottoms. It did not match or fit well, but I just held the baby in front of me and no one even looked at my crazy outfit.

It became clear to me that it was time to go shopping again. I will be honest, I had mixed feelings about this. Though I was excited to finally get some new clothes from regular stores, it was also scary to leave the safety and flattering stretch of the the maternity section.

So, I decided to drag you along with me, dear reader. I have written down my thoughts as I navigate shopping for clothing for the first time post-baby: Continue reading →

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Just don’t follow me around Toronto or I will make you walk my dog.

Get out, my darling parasite. (And other thoughts when your baby is VERY late.)

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Our baby was 8 days late. This doesn’t seem like much now, but it was actually the longest week of my life.

You see, I spent my whole pregnancy with the due date circled on my calendar, and much like many first time moms, when it passed without a baby emerging from my uterus, I felt somehow cheated. What is the hold up?, I wondered. Why is he still in there?

I waited for nearly a year for this. I had the pregnancy from hell. (Which you can read about here, if you like. Let’s be honest, if your baby is late, you probably have the time.) I thought I had put in my time on this project. I grew a baby from scratch. I didn’t eat for 9 months. The further I got past the due date, the more irritated I became, but what else could I do? The baby obviously didn’t get the memo. Continue reading →