humour

More Proof that Toddlers are just like your Drunk Friends

~ newbiemomsite ~ Leave a comment

Okay, full disclosure: It has been a while since I was drunk. I was never someone who really got drunk a lot, but it has really lost it’s appeal since my son was born. Who wants to be hung over around small children? No one.

Even if you don’t miss the after-effects, you may still miss the fun aspects of drinking. Going out at night is fun, right? Hanging out with friends is fun. (I seem to recall…) Also, drunk people are hilarious.

But newbie mom, I never go out at night anymore. How am I supposed to find drunk people to laugh at? Never fear! I’ve got a solution: hang out with a toddler!

It is common knowledge that toddlers are basically just tiny drunk people. Any internet search will confirm this fact. I am not saying anything new here – I only offer more evidence.

Here is more proof that toddlers are basically the same as your drunk friends:

Continue reading →

Getting your toddler ready to go outside in just 85 easy steps!

~ newbiemomsite ~ 2 Comments

If there is one thing Canadians know how to do, it’s to dress for the winter conditions. Oh yes, come November we’ve got our cosy winter wardrobe ready to go. While it does hide our holiday pounds, it is a pain in the butt to put it all on. Seriously, we have to add at least 5 minutes of time to our morning routine just to put on our outdoor clothing.

And if there is one thing we dread more than getting ourselves bundled in 4 layers of clothing to go outside, it’s getting our toddlers ready to go outside.

Fear not, my friends! Here is an easy guide to getting your toddlers ready for the outdoors – and there are just 85 steps!:

Continue reading →

Me doing laundry VS. my husband doing laundry

~ newbiemomsite ~ 14 Comments

During my undergraduate degree, I spent a few summers working in a living history museum. It was one of those places where the interpreters dress in the clothing of the day and do activities typical to the time period. As a result, I have many useless skills for modern living.

Anyway, one of those activities was laundry. We would spend the morning showing visitors the joy of doing laundry without mechanical assistance, as it would have been done 100 years ago. Let me tell you, it was difficult. I have no idea how women did this and still managed to feed anyone. (Or do anything else, for that matter.)

By comparison, doing laundry with the help of modern technology seems like such a simple task:

1. Put laundry in washing machine.

2. Put laundry in dryer.

3. Fold laundry and put it away.

Easy, right? Sure. However, as most of us know, it is never quite that easy. For example, my husband and I have developed some very unique variations on this task. Let me show you what I mean.

Continue reading →

Do you have a Mom Purse?

~ newbiemomsite ~ 1 Comment

I officially have a mom purse. No, not one of those big giant ones. You know, those ones that would be too big to be considered carry-on at the airport? No, t is a regular size purse, but it is a mom purse none the less.

What exactly constitutes a mom purse? Well, let me tell you. A mom purse is basically a diaper bag except that it also has your wallet. Unlike a diaper bag, however, a mom purse does goes with you even when your baby does not. I have been guilty of taking the mom purse on nights out, to work and even for coffee alone.

If you have 10 or more of these items in your purse, you may also have a mom purse: Continue reading →

7 Ways Parenting is just like the Walking Dead

~ newbiemomsite ~ 12 Comments

The Walking Dead is one of my favourite shows. Actually, my entire family are avid fans. We were so excited to see the season premiere this past Sunday. (And then horribly traumatized, but that’s another post.) Anyway, as we watched, I began to realize that the Walking Dead is exactly like parenting. Well, maybe a little more bloody, but otherwise pretty much the same.

Here are 7 Ways that Parenting is just like the Walking Dead. (No, there are no baseball bats involved. Sorry…too soon.)

Continue reading →

Ways I “old-personed” this week

~ newbiemomsite ~ Leave a comment

Okay, full disclosure: I am not an old person. Well, at least not according to me. My students will tell you that I am the oldest person they know. (Teenagers think everyone older than 20 is ancient.) I do, however, have a few old person tendencies and these have only been enhanced by my status as a new parent.

Since I went back to work, I have been doing more “old-personing” than usual. “Old-personing” is a slippery slope, you see. It starts with an afternoon nap and suddenly you’re up at 5 am counting the hours until you can watch Jeopardy and go to bed. This, my friends, is “old-personing.” Are you guilty of this too?

Here are the ways I “old-personed” this week: Continue reading →

Guest Blog by Hazel the dog: Baby’s Walking? Big deal. I walk everyday.

~ newbiemomsite ~ 1 Comment

So, the baby started walking this weekend. Mom and Dad were all excited about it. They clapped and laughed. Big deal, I thought. I’ve been walking for ages. It’s not that hard. I went back to my toy. It is a really great toy. I thought my parents would love it too, but when I showed it to them they only looked at it and went back to clapping for the baby.

For real? Are they clapping for this guy? He’s not even doing any tricks! He’s just standing there. These people will clap for anything.

I’m just going to say it: the baby is not that impressive. Let’s look at the facts:

Continue reading →

Times I Feel like a Super Mom, but Probably Shouldn’t.

~ newbiemomsite ~ Leave a comment

When you are a parent, each day is full of small victories. And I mean small. Some are downright minuscule.

But we all have days like that, right? Days where nothing seems to go right. Our kids are little terrors who make us count down the minutes until bedtime. Everything is a mess, there is no food in the fridge and you can’t seem to get more than a sip of coffee.

On those days, those little victories keep you going. You feel like someone should come around the corner presenting you with a “parent of the year” trophy. Sadly, no one else seems to feel your day merits any trophies. Even though you feel victorious the rest of the world is not that impressed.

Here are a few times I felt like a Super-mom, but no one else agreed:

Continue reading →

5 Reasons Parenting is just like American Ninja Warrior

~ newbiemomsite ~ 6 Comments

Anyone else completely hooked on American Ninja Warrior? For those who haven’t seen it, it is an obstacle course challenge where people compete to test their fitness and possibly win a million dollars. I have been watching for a few seasons now and I have to say that it is one of my favourite summer shows. As I watched last night, a thought struck me for the first time. Being a parent is just like American Ninja Warrior.

Okay, there are no commentators, no prize money and no muscled athletes (at least at our house). But there are many similarities between American Ninja Warrior and being a parent.

Here are 5 reasons why American Ninja Warrior is just like parenting:

Continue reading →

4 Reasons Parents of Babies Deserve a Medal

~ newbiemomsite ~ 2 Comments

Babies are cute. I think we can all agree on that. They have sweet, gummy smiles and sweet, chubby cheeks. Yes, babies are super cute, but this doesn’t mean that they are easy to live with. On the contrary – babies are like the worst roommates ever.

Being a new parent is hard. HARD. But everyone you meet will want to tell you how great it is and why you should appreciate it. They are blinded by your baby’s cuteness and oblivious to their challenges. But from one new parent to anther – this is way harder than anyone can tell you. You deserve a medal.

Here are four reasons I think new parents deserve a medal:

Continue reading →