Okay, full disclosure: It has been a while since I was drunk. I was never someone who really got drunk a lot, but it has really lost it’s appeal since my son was born. Who wants to be hung over around small children? No one.
Even if you don’t miss the after-effects, you may still miss the fun aspects of drinking. Going out at night is fun, right? Hanging out with friends is fun. (I seem to recall…) Also, drunk people are hilarious.
But newbie mom, I never go out at night anymore. How am I supposed to find drunk people to laugh at? Never fear! I’ve got a solution: hang out with a toddler!
It is common knowledge that toddlers are basically just tiny drunk people. Any internet search will confirm this fact. I am not saying anything new here – I only offer more evidence.
Here is more proof that toddlers are basically the same as your drunk friends:
Well, we’re in the holiday home stretch now! With one week until Christmas, we have finished our shopping and wrapped all the presents. I know! I feel so on top of things this year.
My toddler would like to announce that he is also finished with his presents for the holidays. Spoiler: he went the “home made” route this year. He can’t exactly go to the store, after all. These gifts may be a tad unusual, but he thinks you will love them.
Here is what my toddler is getting you for Christmas:
During my undergraduate degree, I spent a few summers working in a living history museum. It was one of those places where the interpreters dress in the clothing of the day and do activities typical to the time period. As a result, I have many useless skills for modern living.
Anyway, one of those activities was laundry. We would spend the morning showing visitors the joy of doing laundry without mechanical assistance, as it would have been done 100 years ago. Let me tell you, it was difficult. I have no idea how women did this and still managed to feed anyone. (Or do anything else, for that matter.)
By comparison, doing laundry with the help of modern technology seems like such a simple task:
1. Put laundry in washing machine.
2. Put laundry in dryer.
3. Fold laundry and put it away.
Easy, right? Sure. However, as most of us know, it is never quite that easy. For example, my husband and I have developed some very unique variations on this task. Let me show you what I mean.
I officially have a mom purse. No, not one of those big giant ones. You know, those ones that would be too big to be considered carry-on at the airport? No, t is a regular size purse, but it is a mom purse none the less.
What exactly constitutes a mom purse? Well, let me tell you. A mom purse is basically a diaper bag except that it also has your wallet. Unlike a diaper bag, however, a mom purse does goes with you even when your baby does not. I have been guilty of taking the mom purse on nights out, to work and even for coffee alone.
If you have 10 or more of these items in your purse, you may also have a mom purse: Continue reading
The Walking Dead is one of my favourite shows. Actually, my entire family are avid fans. We were so excited to see the season premiere this past Sunday. (And then horribly traumatized, but that’s another post.) Anyway, as we watched, I began to realize that the Walking Dead is exactly like parenting. Well, maybe a little more bloody, but otherwise pretty much the same.
Here are 7 Ways that Parenting is just like the Walking Dead. (No, there are no baseball bats involved. Sorry…too soon.)
Disclaimer: Kids and dogs are very different. I know this. I have gotten in trouble comparing kids with dogs before. There are some key differences. Like, one can be left in a kennel. Which one is that again? Hmm, better Google that.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right – kids and dogs. I now have one of each and I can tell you that they are quite similar in a lot of ways. Or maybe that is just mine?
Here are ways my kid is basically a dog:
Okay, full disclosure: I am not an old person. Well, at least not according to me. My students will tell you that I am the oldest person they know. (Teenagers think everyone older than 20 is ancient.) I do, however, have a few old person tendencies and these have only been enhanced by my status as a new parent.
Since I went back to work, I have been doing more “old-personing” than usual. “Old-personing” is a slippery slope, you see. It starts with an afternoon nap and suddenly you’re up at 5 am counting the hours until you can watch Jeopardy and go to bed. This, my friends, is “old-personing.” Are you guilty of this too?
Here are the ways I “old-personed” this week: Continue reading
So, the baby started walking this weekend. Mom and Dad were all excited about it. They clapped and laughed. Big deal, I thought. I’ve been walking for ages. It’s not that hard. I went back to my toy. It is a really great toy. I thought my parents would love it too, but when I showed it to them they only looked at it and went back to clapping for the baby.
For real? Are they clapping for this guy? He’s not even doing any tricks! He’s just standing there. These people will clap for anything.
I’m just going to say it: the baby is not that impressive. Let’s look at the facts:
One of my favourite shows is The Amazing Race and the Canadian version, Amazing Race Canada. I love watching the teams travel the world while completing interesting and often hilarious tasks.
This, my friends, is just like parenting. How so? Well, I’m glad you asked.
Here are 7 reasons parenting is just like The Amazing Race. (Spoiler: it’s not the money and prizes…unless you are my kid after a visit from his 6 grandparents.) Continue reading
The Olympics continue to make us all into sports fans this week. Last time I wrote about my ideas for Mom Olympic events. (Or Momlympics, if you will.) This week, after watching athletes crush world records in the aquatic events, I started thinking about what kinds of world records would be held by moms. You know, if someone had time to keep track of that kind of thing. (I don’t. Don’t ask me.)
Anyway, here are some world records that would be held by moms: